Love, Pain and Loss…Chihauhau Style

Buddy and MeThis morning at about three-thirty, I reached out with my hand to make sure he was sleeping, only to find a cold, empty place when Buddy slept. I got out of bed with tears on my face, and again my heart broke.

Earlier this week, Wednesday, we lost Buddy. He had developed Diabetes over a year ago, resulting in blindness. Buddy Bear Barkinstein, our sixteen-year-old Chihuahua, received two insulin shots every day. When he lost his sight, we wanted to sleep with my husband and me. It was a concession we gladly accepted. He tried but didn’t always make the PeePee pads he had used for many years.

He required constant attention when we were home. I was happy to do whatever he needed. I was his human mama.

I had taken him to the vet the Friday before. He came home with some additional medication for his heart and blood pressure. Yet Buddy, who I often call a little piggy, hadn’t eaten the Wednesday or Thursday before our vet appointment. Over the weekend he had still not eaten and barely drink.

I have been here before with another furry baby, my teacup Chihuahua named Granny. So even before my appointment with his wonderful vet, I had an idea what was going to happen.

The vet-tech texted me only an hour after I had dropped Buddy off to ask if I could come back and speak with the vet. Dr. A., a magnificent young woman, did not want to use the Video Relay Service. She did not want to text me. She desired to speak to me face to face.

Buddy’s heart was double the size it should have been. He was struggling to breathe because his lungs had been compressed to a third of their size by his swollen heart. There might, she explained, be some help, however, the closest Cardiac Veterinarian was in Seattle. Seattle is an hour and a half drive for us. Well worth the trip, but she let me know Buddy probably wouldn’t make it more than a day or two as his little body was beginning to shut down.

I brought him home and spent the following day, from three in the morning until three thirty in the afternoon, loving and being with him. I laid on the floor when he wanted in his bed. When he staggered down the hallway to our bedroom, we curled up on my bed and napped.

People who do not have Fuzzy Children cannot comprehend how great the loss is when they are gone. My heart, as well as my family’s, is broken. The hole that Buddy occupied in my heart is empty.

I will continue to cry and wish Buddy was here. Yet I have twelve years of beautiful memories of my little darling to help me through this tough time.

Thank you for all of you who sent well wishes. It really did help soothe my pain.

Thank you for your time and as always “Keep Reading!”

Raj Lowenstein

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